Since I spoke on this last Sunday I have had many discussions and opportunities to elaborate. One of the keys I keep coming back to is the distinction between loving someone and their ability to feel loved... or honoring verses feeling honored. It doesn't really matter whether or not you are honoring your spouse (or anyone else for that matter) if they do not FEEL honored. Therefore it is somewhat customized to the person what is or isn't honoring. It may required a little investigative work to discover what really works. The object is not to feel good about how we are doing in honoring our spouse... its to make our spouse feel honored... and sometimes that looks different than I expect.
It is a consistent theme in my marriage that Marie feels honored when I open a car door for her. Honestly, I hate doing it... it seems contrived and insignificant and takes twice as long for us to get into the car... I don't understand why that matters in the least... but it matters to her, so when I think about it I open the door for her. I'm not that consistent in it but I'm becoming more aware of how it makes her feel. Obviously, if I say "Ok... but your arms don't look broke to me" then I have defeated the purpose... I must do it with the attitude that this is to her honor and as unto the Lord... and I do genuinely enjoy seeing her feel special.
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